June 2013
293 posts
if u smash snails on purpose ur a fuckin piece of shit they are tiny cuties trying 2 get somewhere as fast as they can pls help them out
um excuse me have you ever had a garden because those fuckers will fuck your shit up i mean they totally ruined an entire row of my broccoli plants in one night i am not even fucking around about my broccoli fuck snails
who am i shaving for
- romeo: hey i just met you.
- romeo: and this is crazy.
- romeo: but i saw you at your dad's party that i wasn't supposed to attend and i thought you were pretty cute so i followed you and we kissed but then your nanny called you away and i found out you were a capulet and got bummed so i sneaked into your back yard in the middle of the night and climbed your balcony uninvited to profess my undying love after an hour even though i wanted to bone rosaline like two scenes ago.
- romeo: so marry me maybe.
i was checking out at target and this guy was being really flirty with me and his nametag said rosemarie so when i left i said “have a good night rosemarie” and he said “rosemarie??” and i pointed to his nametag and he said fuck very loud then said “they are always fucking doing this to me”
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
- Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose.
- Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it
- Teacher: Technically
- Student: But it doesn't even taste like-
- Teacher: what
- Student: what
my last word will probably be either “whoops” or “shit”
I’m really dreading the day I turn 18 cause I will no longer be the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen
GUYS HELP ME SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING WEIRD HAPPENED I NEED AN EXPLAINATION THAT IS NOT ALIENS
i was just sitting on my laptop chill and what not with the tv on in the backround
When the tv sound cuts out so i look up at the tv
THATS A PICTURE OF MY LAPTOP ON MY BED TAKEN RIGHT WHERE I WAS SITTING WHAT DO I DO ?????
aliens
Obamacare
happy birthday. we couldn’t afford to put a stripper in your cake like you wanted so instead we just put your cake in a stripper. she ate the whole thing in like 2 minutes. you should have been there. it was amazing.
Those hashtags really speak to me.
- parents: wow you look gorgeous you are so beautiful
- family: surely you have 14 boyfriends and boys falling at your feet
- friends: omg you are soooo pretty
- boys: i've never really seen this species of animal before
did it hurt when u fell from heaven bc it hurt when i did
EXERCISE
EX-ER-CISE
EX-AR-SIZE
EGGS-ARE-SIDES
FOR BACON
BACONwho the heck is running Denny’s tumblr
when your otp is about to kiss
and then they pull away at the last second
You mean like this
Or like this ?
Or THIS?!
WHAT ABOUT
THIS?!
- us government: *accidentally likes your pic from 2009*
Play
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